No Drinks Since the Weekend

I have been super busy since Monday morning so I have not been drinking. The busier I stay the less I drink. I have a lot of energy and stay as busy as I can but a girl's gotta rest sometimes. And when I spend several hours in front of the TV...that is when I drink. Hopefully I can go the rest of the week without booze but even without it I am not sleeping that well...I wake up a lot with nightmares.

No, I Have Not Been Going to Meetings

In response to Dave who left a comment on my previous post.....As I think I mentioned in my first post on this blog I am just trying to quietly give up drinking without making a big deal about it. I don't want to go to public meetings so that a bunch of strangers can find out about my issues. Also, I am afraid that if I make a public declaration it will be even harder for me to give up drinking -- every time I have ever told my friends "I am on a diet" the next thing I know I am craving all kinds of fatty foods. When I have dieted successfully I have just quietly made changes in my diet without involving anyone else.

I have been trying to apply the same principle to giving up booze. Now I will grant you that it hasn't been going all that great since I seem to continue to drink several evenings a week -- but I am not drinking to excess either. I am going to continue my plan for awhile and see if I can actually give up drinking without involving a bunch of strangers...that is why I went to such pains to be anonymous on this blog. I really don't want anyone to know who I am. It takes me a very long time to trust people and to make meaningful friendships so I don't think that meetings with strangers will be all that helpful to me.

Day 37

Sobriety isn't working out so well so far. Maybe next week I can really clean up. For now all I can say is that I have been drinking frequently but not to excess. Still not good.

Day 22

I am still kind of sick. I wish I could kick this flu bug or whatever I have. My throat doesn't hurt anymore but my head is still a little congested and I cough a lot...I really hope this doesn't turn into bronchitis or something.

Last night I had a few glasses of scotch to ease the pain of being sick. I overdid it a little bit and didn't sleep very well. I guess it was a bad idea to put scotch in tea even though it made me feel better at the time. So today I had tea with no booze. What a concept.

I have been watching the new VH1 show "Celebrity Rehab". Scary. I watch some of those folks and think how easy it would be to wind up in their shoes. Jeff Conway is so sick that its really terrifying. Fortunately I have never done any drugs nor have I been tempted and if I ever were tempted just thinking about him would turn me off. But even the ones who just drink have gotten me thinking about what could wind up happening if I were to continue to drink a lot. Not a pretty picture.

Day 19

I am still feeling sick although my throat is a little better today. No adverse affects from the scotch I put in my tea the other day nor did it make me want to gorge on booze. Just numbed my throat enough to make life bearable. Probably not the best idea but it worked.

Day 17

I am back home now. I am so sick. I have a nasty sore throat. I have been drinking tea with honey and a little bit of scotch in it. Not enough to even get a buzz but enough to numb my throat. I wonder if its OK to have little bits of booze under these circumstances when I am trying to quit. Actually right now I am in so much pain that I dont care. A little scotch in my tea makes swallowing possible so I am doing it and I am not going to feel guilty about it. Well, not much anyway.

Day 15

Well this trip has been great in so many ways. First, I haven't had a drop to drink even when I have been out with friends (all my friends drink). I have been having tea which is wonderful when its cold. Also I have been getting a lot of great work done. When I know I have to get up early I just don't drink. I think maybe I need to find a way to stay busier or maybe add more structure to my day because the more appointments I have and the busier I stay the less I want to drink. Kind of weird really.

Day 13

Wow, I feel great today. I got up really early to fly to Chicago and everything went well today. I got upgraded to first class, my flight was on time, cabbie spoke English, and I checked into my hotel early. Also I am not craving booze at all!!! I hope tomorrow goes as well as today did.

Day 12

Well last night was a total bust. My husband made a delicious dinner and we went through 2 bottles of wine and then I had a nightcap of 2 vodka-rocks. Consequently I didn't sleep well and I don't feel great today. I have to pack for a trip to Chicago for the rest of the week....I will be very busy with meetings all week so I am sure I wont drink but I am disappointed in myself now. Sometimes I wonder if its even worth trying to quit. Maybe I should just resign myself to this. No, that isn't a good idea. I am sure I will feel differently once I get a good nights sleep.

Day 9 - Friday night

First of all, thank you to those of you who have been leaving me encouraging comments. You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you for your kindness. And PJ - thank you for the idea about brushing my teeth when I crave a drink. Great idea. I think I will do that now. I too have gone to bed with my makeup on after having had a few too many and it is such a crummy way to wake up in the morning - hungover and with mascara circles around your eyes.

Well I caved last night. I had 2 vodka-rocks. It felt great at the time but I didn't sleep well. Serves me right for caving like that. I feel like a total jackass. I mean how hard can it be to NOT pick up a bottle??! It takes effort to go to the cabinet, get out the bottle of vodka, fill a glass with ice, and pour it. Much easier to skip the whole process and just stay on the comfy couch, right? But for some reason it seems so hard to not go to the effort of getting a cocktail.

I love to hear the clink of the ice and the feel of the Tiffany scotch glass in my hand. Maybe that is how smokers feel about the whole process of lighting a cigarette? I have heard that from ex-smokers -- that they miss the process of shaking a cigarette out the packet, lighting it, and holding it. I don't smoke but I can certainly understand that sentiment from the perspective of drinking pretty drinks out of lovely glasses. We have all this beautiful stemware and barware that I just love using.

Tonight I don't really want a drink and I am just plain exhausted from not sleeping well the last couple of nights. My husband and I went out to dinner and then to see the new Jason Statham movie, "In the Name of the King"....the movie was just glorious. So awful and campy that it was good. If you like that kind of thing go check it out. The important thing is that we didn't drink with dinner or at the movie. Now its about 10 pm and I am about ready for bed so I won't drink tonight.

We are going to the symphony tomorrow night and I know that there will be a cocktail party following the event so my plan is to tell my husband that I'll be the designated driver and just have diet coke. I am a fanatic about not drinking and driving so when I commit to being the designated driver I am not at all tempted. I fear DUIs more than cancer. Mainly the only time I drink too much is when I am at home and have access to lots of booze with no need for driving.

I never drink a lot around people I don't know well and I don't get drunk in public. Not that I never have mind you...I spent my 20's and early 30's getting to know every bar, pub, and party in Chicago. Of course, if you live in downtown Chicago you never drive anywhere, least of all to and from a bar. But I am 40 years old now and while I may have a drinking problem I have also developed a sense of propriety. No one wants to see a 40 year-old woman stumbling around drunk. Not cool at all.

I'll bet if you asked everyone I know (and I know a LOT of people) whether or not Bunny has a problem with booze, that you would find that no one would think I have a problem. Well, that's not true...maybe a couple of them would...the ones I am comfortable drinking too much around. But for the most part I have gotten to where I drink at home rather than around other people. I wonder if other people do the same thing I do?

Well I had better get to bed before I start craving a beverage that I shouldn't have.