Pain

I haven't posted for a couple of weeks. The first week was because I was not drinking and I traveled one state over to visit my dad for a few days. Then my husband, my father, and I took a 5 day trip to Seattle. I told myself I wasn't going to drink while I was there. But I did. At every meal. I slept fine and handled the alcohol OK while on the trip so it wasn't a problem when I was there. But we got home on Sunday night and I drank a little too much. And then I did the same thing last night. And now I am depressed and feeling like a loser. It doesn't help that before we left on this trip I lost my temper with one of the schedulers at my dog groomer and now that I have returned they have informed me that they won't groom my dogs anymore because I snapped at the scheduler. I am trying to come up with some kind of story and an apology so I can get the dogs in there again. But the combination of completely falling off the wagon (not that I was 100% on it anyway) and feeling like a jerk just makes me hate myself so much. I am really unhappy right now and its all my own fault. I really wish I were a completely different person - you know one of those people who never pisses anyone off. I hope I can pull it together.