Thank you to everyone who has visited my blog and has left supportive comments. I really appreciate it. It means more to me than you can possibly know. I was really struggling there for awhile but I am getting better. I know a lot of people feel that going to AA meetings are the only way to kick the alcohol habit but I am not doing that. I am forcing myself to quit drinking during the week (successfully) and only drinking on Friday and Saturday nights. In other words I am returning to my previously more disciplined life. I am finding that I drink less on the weekends and not at all during the week. What I am doing may not be the best way to go about things but its what is working for me right now. I think in a month or so I will try to go a full 30 days with no booze at all.
I think what sort of has scared me straight is my family. Not that anyone has told me to quit drinking...its not that. It's that my father, a raging alcoholic for my entire life (I am 40), and my brother who is 35 years old have been going on ridiculous drinking binges and seeing their behavior has made me resolve to never ever let myself get that way. My brother drunk dialed me several times early in the morning after an all night binge (he didn't even remember the next day) and my dad stayed on a binge for about a week recently. Seeing the way they are living has just scared me. I don't want to be like them...the walking dead basically. In their own ways they have both given up on life and they are quite co-dependent on each other I think. It just makes me sad. I want to be there for my husband and never ever force him to see me lose complete control that way.
I will try to blog more and visit my favorite sober bloggers sites as well. I have been trying to stay really busy so that I am not tempted by the booze as much and that has kept me from blogging as much.
5 comments:
i read a saying recently that "it isn't the meetings we make but the steps we take". true for me so far.
glad to see you back posting. if you can drink only on weekends AND easily control the amount you drink during that timeframe, you may not be alcoholic. at least not yet. controlling for a while will certainly help. take care and enjoy the rest of your week!!
what you're doing is called "harm reduction" and it's a great way to go. If you start to feel too uncomfortable with your weekend drinking, you'll know it's time to take it a step further
I have been reading some of your archived posts and wanted to say that I recognize your struggles. I have been there, too. I enjoy reading your blog and hope that your will continue to keep us posted on your progress. Be well.
i completely understand the fear of aa but i do think it is totally misplaced and stems almost entirely from ignorance of what aa involves. the fear is nearly always irrational and misinformed.
but you are free to make your own choices.
i and home group pals and sponsees find staying sober incredibly straightforward. not a chore or weird. certainly not a strange mystery. very predictable as it happens.
but if you want to carry on drinking, then aa is not the right place for you. but when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired i hope you will be more open minded toward what aa has to offer.
contempt prior to investigation, as they say.
the disease is progressive. it takes many years of drinking to become like your father and brother. you are clearly at an earlier stage of the progression. but unfortunately a long as you drip feed the disease with alcohol, the progression will eventually increase the frequency of over consumption, until you too, over drink with the frequency of your father and brother. the only way to arrest the progression is to avoid alcohol altogether and use the steps to get a 'psychic change' that prevents the diseased mind picking up the drink in the first place, in a fit of selective amnesia known in aa as having 'no mental defence'.
AN IRISH FRIEND OF SATAN
Recovery Archive
Irish Friend Of Bill said…
I have totally recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful.
i completely understand the fear misplaced and stems almost entirely from ignorance of what aa involves. the fear is nearly always irrational and misinformed. but you are free to make your own choices.
the disease is progressive. the only way to arrest the progression is to avoid alcohol altogether and use the steps to get a 'psychic change' that prevents the diseased mind picking up the drink in the first place, in a fit of selective amnesia known in aa as having 'no mental defence'.
PATRICKS RESPONSE…
Irish Friend Of Satan,
You are a FALSE PEOPHET, who is DELUDING thousands of people with your Anti – Christ propaganda.
You have used AA to medicate your own TERROR – you are a TERRIFIED “little girl,” who is being CONTROLLED by sAtAn.
You are an ABOMINATION!!
1JO 2:18 Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour.
22 Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist--he denies the Father and the Son.
4:3 but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.
I, PATRICK, AM THE TRUTH & BEAUTY THAT SURROUNDS THE LORD
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