Depressing

Earlier this evening I got a call from my brother who is a 35 year old unemployed alcoholic who lives about 4 hours from my father and is financially supported by my dad. (That description of my brother doesn't have anything to do with this post but if you read this blog with any frequency I have written about that brother before.) My brother asked me if I knew that my dad was planning on checking into the hospital tonight. I told him that I didn't know that and asked him what was going on. He said that he didn't know but that he had just called my dad, who has been on a bender for about the past month off and on, and that all he could get out of him was that he was driving himself 60 miles to the city to check into the hospital for some kind of procedure that had been scheduled.

I live 8 hours away from my dad so there was no way I could get to his home and intervene in person. He hasn't been drinking and driving for years. I think he finally figured out that he might go to prison for that so now he just stays home when drinking. Anyway, I called my dad to find out what was going on and he said that he had scheduled a procedure to remove some stones from his urethra at the hospital in the morning and that he was planning to drive to the city and check into a hotel tonight and take a cab to the hospital tomorrow. I pointed out that the hospital probably wouldn't let him leave by himself if there was any anesthesia involved. I asked him why his friend Don wasn't taking him like he would normally.

Dad said that Don was out of town and that he had talked to his doctor and the doctor told him that rather than reschedule the procedure they would allow him to take a cab back and forth from the hotel. In any case my dad was slurring his words and could barely form sentences to tell me this. He said that there was no one else to drive him (not true, he has other friends) and so he was planning to drive himself. Needless to say, I was terrified and considered calling the local sheriff (yes, my dad lives in a town so small that the sheriff is on a first name basis with everyone) that he was planning to drive drunk. In the end I found a limo company in the city that would send a driver over tonight to pick him up (no cab service in his town) and get him checked into him into his hotel. The drive rwill also get him to the hospital in the morning and will pick him up from the hospital and get him back to his home tomorrow night.

This is going to cost a fortune and my dad is so angry with me. He agreed to take the car but not until he yelled at me and accused me of trying to control his life. I asked him if he had been drinking and he said no....he never admits his drinking even when he is falling down drunk. He was so irrational and childlike on the phone. I honestly believe that if he had driven himself tonight he would have killed himself or someone else on the way. I remember when I was a little girl he got drunk and hit a little boy with his car in a parking lot. The boy wound up being OK and that was back in the days when he could just buy his way out of trouble but he still lost his license for a year. Thank god he isn't doing that sort of thing anymore...but I sure was worried tonight since his judgment is clearly impaired.

Once I got the car service arranged I called my brother to tell him. He then called my dad to check in with him and make sure he was packing and discovered that my dad had apparently started drinking more. About 15 minutes later my dad called to see if I could have the driver pick him up in the morning and take him to the hospital rather than going to the hotel tonight. I just told him that the driver was already on his way because I figured that he would get hammered and not wake up in the morning. During my brother's conversation with my dad apparently my father told him that he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer 3 1/2 years ago just before my wedding. Since dad was drunk while telling him this story my brother didn't get much more information than that so I wonder if the cancer has come back and if that is really why this "procedure" couldn't be rescheduled?

I never knew my dad had prostate cancer. My dad is so secretive about some stuff. I can't believe he didn't tell us he had cancer. And who knows if it was officially cancer (he never had chemo) or if it was a benign tumor? My brother is kind of an idiot so who knows what's really going on. I hope my dad is OK but I am so tired of being the only grownup in our family. Both of my parents have always been totally selfish, self-indulgent, and have never felt like they had any responsibility to their kids.

When I was about 15 my parents got divorced and my dad moved out and apparently stayed drunk for about the next 6 - 7 years; we saw him occasionally and he was always drunk even when he came to the house to see us. He actually got sober for about 10 years after that before returning to his drunken ways. Anyway, my mom took a job in another state and only came home on the weekends and I took care of my brothers and sisters. I used money I earned as a lifeguard to buy them school clothes. The point is that both of my parents left us instead of sticking around and being responsible. To be fair my mom was working but whenever she came home on the weekends she was so angry and abusive to all of us. It was obvious that she hated her life and resented that she married an alcoholic and got stuck taking care of us. But I digress....this post is about my dad and how depressing it is to watch someone pretty much spend their whole life killing themselves.

When my dad was 30 years old apparently doctors told him that if he kept drinking so much he would die. He is 69 years old now and it is so stressful and exhausting to constantly worry about him. I am so tired of being worried about him. I can't even remember how many times that either my brother or I (2 of my siblings moved 2,000 miles away and don't worry about him much at all) have had to get to my dad's house to sober him up after a long bender because we were worried that he was going to die. I don't know if this is enabling him or not. Tonight I felt like if I didn't get him a car service that he would kill himself or someone else and I couldn't live with that.

My dad has friends and they all know he is an alcoholic even though he lies about it. None of his friends drink and my dad only drinks alone in his home. His friends check on him and make sure he is OK even when he gets nasty to them when he is drunk - he is so lucky to have friends that care so much. I don't think I have any friends that would keep trying to save me if I had been a drunk for 40 years. He has his own business and manages to more or less get his work done and make a good living. He is a really really smart guy and is very talented at what he does so I think people cut him a lot of slack. Sometimes I don't understand why people still do business with him but he is so good at what he does and he is very well liked so they just deal with delays when he is on a bender.

My dad just called me from the limo using the limo driver's cell phone because he forgot his at home. That is just a sign of how drunk he is. He never leaves home without his cell phone. At least he isn't driving. I don't even know if his doctor will do the procedure on him in the morning if he is still drunk. I wonder if they will test his blood alcohol content before they give him any anesthetic?