Day 22

I am still kind of sick. I wish I could kick this flu bug or whatever I have. My throat doesn't hurt anymore but my head is still a little congested and I cough a lot...I really hope this doesn't turn into bronchitis or something.

Last night I had a few glasses of scotch to ease the pain of being sick. I overdid it a little bit and didn't sleep very well. I guess it was a bad idea to put scotch in tea even though it made me feel better at the time. So today I had tea with no booze. What a concept.

I have been watching the new VH1 show "Celebrity Rehab". Scary. I watch some of those folks and think how easy it would be to wind up in their shoes. Jeff Conway is so sick that its really terrifying. Fortunately I have never done any drugs nor have I been tempted and if I ever were tempted just thinking about him would turn me off. But even the ones who just drink have gotten me thinking about what could wind up happening if I were to continue to drink a lot. Not a pretty picture.

Day 19

I am still feeling sick although my throat is a little better today. No adverse affects from the scotch I put in my tea the other day nor did it make me want to gorge on booze. Just numbed my throat enough to make life bearable. Probably not the best idea but it worked.

Day 17

I am back home now. I am so sick. I have a nasty sore throat. I have been drinking tea with honey and a little bit of scotch in it. Not enough to even get a buzz but enough to numb my throat. I wonder if its OK to have little bits of booze under these circumstances when I am trying to quit. Actually right now I am in so much pain that I dont care. A little scotch in my tea makes swallowing possible so I am doing it and I am not going to feel guilty about it. Well, not much anyway.

Day 15

Well this trip has been great in so many ways. First, I haven't had a drop to drink even when I have been out with friends (all my friends drink). I have been having tea which is wonderful when its cold. Also I have been getting a lot of great work done. When I know I have to get up early I just don't drink. I think maybe I need to find a way to stay busier or maybe add more structure to my day because the more appointments I have and the busier I stay the less I want to drink. Kind of weird really.

Day 13

Wow, I feel great today. I got up really early to fly to Chicago and everything went well today. I got upgraded to first class, my flight was on time, cabbie spoke English, and I checked into my hotel early. Also I am not craving booze at all!!! I hope tomorrow goes as well as today did.

Day 12

Well last night was a total bust. My husband made a delicious dinner and we went through 2 bottles of wine and then I had a nightcap of 2 vodka-rocks. Consequently I didn't sleep well and I don't feel great today. I have to pack for a trip to Chicago for the rest of the week....I will be very busy with meetings all week so I am sure I wont drink but I am disappointed in myself now. Sometimes I wonder if its even worth trying to quit. Maybe I should just resign myself to this. No, that isn't a good idea. I am sure I will feel differently once I get a good nights sleep.

Day 9 - Friday night

First of all, thank you to those of you who have been leaving me encouraging comments. You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you for your kindness. And PJ - thank you for the idea about brushing my teeth when I crave a drink. Great idea. I think I will do that now. I too have gone to bed with my makeup on after having had a few too many and it is such a crummy way to wake up in the morning - hungover and with mascara circles around your eyes.

Well I caved last night. I had 2 vodka-rocks. It felt great at the time but I didn't sleep well. Serves me right for caving like that. I feel like a total jackass. I mean how hard can it be to NOT pick up a bottle??! It takes effort to go to the cabinet, get out the bottle of vodka, fill a glass with ice, and pour it. Much easier to skip the whole process and just stay on the comfy couch, right? But for some reason it seems so hard to not go to the effort of getting a cocktail.

I love to hear the clink of the ice and the feel of the Tiffany scotch glass in my hand. Maybe that is how smokers feel about the whole process of lighting a cigarette? I have heard that from ex-smokers -- that they miss the process of shaking a cigarette out the packet, lighting it, and holding it. I don't smoke but I can certainly understand that sentiment from the perspective of drinking pretty drinks out of lovely glasses. We have all this beautiful stemware and barware that I just love using.

Tonight I don't really want a drink and I am just plain exhausted from not sleeping well the last couple of nights. My husband and I went out to dinner and then to see the new Jason Statham movie, "In the Name of the King"....the movie was just glorious. So awful and campy that it was good. If you like that kind of thing go check it out. The important thing is that we didn't drink with dinner or at the movie. Now its about 10 pm and I am about ready for bed so I won't drink tonight.

We are going to the symphony tomorrow night and I know that there will be a cocktail party following the event so my plan is to tell my husband that I'll be the designated driver and just have diet coke. I am a fanatic about not drinking and driving so when I commit to being the designated driver I am not at all tempted. I fear DUIs more than cancer. Mainly the only time I drink too much is when I am at home and have access to lots of booze with no need for driving.

I never drink a lot around people I don't know well and I don't get drunk in public. Not that I never have mind you...I spent my 20's and early 30's getting to know every bar, pub, and party in Chicago. Of course, if you live in downtown Chicago you never drive anywhere, least of all to and from a bar. But I am 40 years old now and while I may have a drinking problem I have also developed a sense of propriety. No one wants to see a 40 year-old woman stumbling around drunk. Not cool at all.

I'll bet if you asked everyone I know (and I know a LOT of people) whether or not Bunny has a problem with booze, that you would find that no one would think I have a problem. Well, that's not true...maybe a couple of them would...the ones I am comfortable drinking too much around. But for the most part I have gotten to where I drink at home rather than around other people. I wonder if other people do the same thing I do?

Well I had better get to bed before I start craving a beverage that I shouldn't have.

Day 8

Man do I want a drink. Its 9pm and I am watching Without A Trace on TV. I slept like crap last night - I have been having some pretty awful nightmares - and consequently I am extremely tired now. Also I am cranky. I feel like a lot of my clients are being difficult but really they probably aren't; when I am tired everything looks bleak and I lack patience with other people.

I hope I can manage to not have a drink for the next hour until I go to bed. I am feeling like just a little drink would help me sleep and I am sure it would. The problem is that I have a hard time having just one little drink and if I drink too much it makes me wake up in the middle of the night. I don't think that booze always did that to me but maybe it did. I think its the sugar that makes me wake up after I go to sleep - and then I can't get back to sleep.

Here's to resisting temptation......

Day 7

I haven't written for a few days because I have been busy with work and other various projects. However its been going fairly well. I have been staying really busy which helps me not to drink. When I was working in an office I never drank during the week because I knew I had to be at work first thing in the morning and I didn't want to risk not sleeping well and ruining a work day. So, I am trying to keep really busy. My workouts are going really well. I am not in great shape but I am trying to just be consistent and get to the gym every day.

I am very tired today because I didn't sleep well. Nothing to do with booze though....just nightmares and a snoring husband conspired to keep me from getting enough rest.

Days 3 & 4 - what a disaster

So here I am 3 days into an attempt at sobriety and I have already caved. I had 2 cocktails on Friday night...I wasn't drunk or anything but the point is that I had a drink. Also had wine with dinner last night. Again, no drunkenness but still... I guess I have no willpower.

I am not going to drink today and hopefully I can get through this week. On the bright side I have worked out every day since I started this blog. I may not work out today because I have so much work to catch up on.

I feel like such a loser for having the drinks.

Day 2

I haven't had anything to drink since Jan 1 so really this is day 3 of not drinking but I'll call it day 2 because of the blog. Anyway....last night my husband, J, had wine with dinner and a couple of scotches afterwards and I wasn't even tempted. The wine smelled very pungent to me and I am not sure why.

Yesterday I did 30 mins on the stairmaster and I hope to built up to at least an hour of cardio per day. On Jan 2 I did only 20 mins on the elliptical machine but I was hungover from new years day so it was pretty hard.

I hope I can keep this up. I feel more productive and, therefore, better about myself when I don't drink and waste portions of every day. I think part of my problem with booze, as strange as it sounds, is that I now work from home. When you work from home you can sleep later and you don't have to get dressed up and face people in an office so a hangover isn't as big of a deal as it would be if you had to show up in an office at 8am.

Day 1 Sobering Up

This blog is just for me. I am using a made-up name and I am not telling anyone about the blog or my official plan to quit drinking. Right now my goal is not to drink for one whole month. If I can make it through a month I hope to extend my goal bit by bit. But for now I am just going to take it day by day and try not to drink any alcohol between now and February 1. Since I turned 18 I have never ever gone more than a few weeks without at least one drink so this is a big step for me.

I hope I am not an alcoholic but I probably am. Both sides of my family are filled with addicts of all kinds. Over the past 10 years I have gone from a size 6 to a 16 mainly because of my drinking which also seems to drive my poor eating habits. When I don't drink I tend to eat healthier and work out more consistently. 10 years ago I started grad school at night while working full time, then, a few years later, I got married, moved to another state and took a high stress job and through all of it I started to drink a little more every year. My husband is fantastic. He loves great wine and good food and between the two of us we have developed some bad habits in terms of the food and wine. I don't drink because I am sad or unhappy although I sometimes think that at times I drink when I am bored.

I am not going to tell my husband that I am trying to give up alcohol only because I find that whenever I make a big declaration like, "I am on a diet" or "I am giving up Oreos" I get self conscious about whether or not others are watching me and judging my progress. I also tend to crave whatever it is I am giving up more than if I had just kept my mouth shut. So, my goal is between me and my blog.

Over the next 30 days I hope to drink no alcohol, work out every day, and eat healthier. If I can avoid the booze I think the rest will happen naturally. Before I started drinking so much I tended to exercise every day and eat in moderation so maintaining a healthy weight was easy. I plan to document my progress and feelings each day and hopefully this will help give me some motivation to keep going.